diff --git a/infrastructure/vps-standby/gitlab/values.yaml b/infrastructure/vps-standby/gitlab/values.yaml
index e387622..6b2b0e4 100644
--- a/infrastructure/vps-standby/gitlab/values.yaml
+++ b/infrastructure/vps-standby/gitlab/values.yaml
@@ -123,7 +123,27 @@ gitlab:
   webservice:
     minReplicas: 1
     maxReplicas: 1
-    workerProcesses: 2
+    # 1 worker process, not 2 - single-node VPS, already sharing the box
+    # with several other unrelated services (barman, k3s itself, node/
+    # gunicorn apps) that keep it chronically CPU-overcommitted (load
+    # average ~22-26 sustained on 6 cores, confirmed live 2026-08-21,
+    # unrelated to GitLab). Less to fork/boot per pod start.
+    workerProcesses: 1
+    deployment:
+      # Chart defaults (initialDelaySeconds:20, periodSeconds:60,
+      # failureThreshold:3 => ~200s grace) aren't enough on this
+      # contended box - confirmed live 2026-08-21 the webservice
+      # (puma) container was repeatedly SIGTERM'd by the liveness
+      # probe mid-`require` (still loading gems via bootsnap), never
+      # finishing boot, restarting from zero every time. Loosened so
+      # a slow boot survives instead of getting killed and restarted
+      # forever.
+      livenessProbe:
+        initialDelaySeconds: 60
+        periodSeconds: 30
+        timeoutSeconds: 30
+        successThreshold: 1
+        failureThreshold: 15
 
     extraEnvFrom:
       GITLAB_OIDC_CLIENT_ID:
@@ -198,6 +218,17 @@ gitlab:
   sidekiq:
     minReplicas: 1
     maxReplicas: 1
+    # Same probe-loosening as webservice.deployment above, same root
+    # cause (confirmed live 2026-08-21) - sidekiq's own boot was
+    # getting SIGTERM'd mid-`require` by the liveness probe on this
+    # CPU-contended box, every ~90-150s, resetting to zero each time
+    # and never actually finishing.
+    livenessProbe:
+      initialDelaySeconds: 60
+      periodSeconds: 30
+      timeoutSeconds: 30
+      successThreshold: 1
+      failureThreshold: 15
     resources:
       requests:
         cpu: 25m